A Conversation with a Big Bang!: Conversation and Self Disclosure
Conversation and self-disclosure are hard for some people. It can be difficult and awkward trying to find what to say. Nobody knows awkward better than Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hofstadter from "The Big Band Theory." In one specifically awkward occurance, self-disclosure is brought to the forefront of the episode, highlighting the mishaps in these genius' conversations.
One of the first aspects of Relational Messaging is dominance. In this clip, we see both Sheldon and Leonard's mother showing dominance over Leondard. This is not unsual of Leonard and his mother though, because dominance is similar to that of a parent-child relationship, but with a less than average growing up this relationship is odd. It is also odd, that as his roommate and supposid equal, Sheldon also shows this same type of dominance his and Leonard's relationship. "Dominance is oftend defined as the actual degree to which a person influences someone, and submission as the actual degree to which a person gives up influence and yields to the wishes of someone else. Dominance is communicated both verbally and nonverbally in a variety of ways" (14).
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Both Sheldon and Beverly use commands when addressing Leonard. Their language is assertive and somewhat aggressive towards him in order to get what they want. They both treat him like a child, but are still not happy with his results or abilities. In this relationship, Sheldon and Beverly have more power over Leonard.
But dominance is only one of seven fundamental themes of Relational Messaging. The next would be level of intimacy. Throughout the episode, Beverly seems to communicate more with Sheldon and disclose more of herself than with her own son. Leonard hears of important family issues via Sheldon than his mother. Beverly and Sheldon have a more intimate relationship than Leonard and Beverly.
But dominance is only one of seven fundamental themes of Relational Messaging. The next would be level of intimacy. Throughout the episode, Beverly seems to communicate more with Sheldon and disclose more of herself than with her own son. Leonard hears of important family issues via Sheldon than his mother. Beverly and Sheldon have a more intimate relationship than Leonard and Beverly.
The third of these is degree of similarity. Sheldon and Beverly have more in common thus making them have a more intimate relationship. Leonard has never had a strong mother son connection because of this lack of similarity. Sheldon and Beverly both think they are very important and want the world to think the same. But Leonard does not want the genius status in the way they do, he would much rather be a regular guy with a girlfriend.
This leads into number four, task-social orientations. "This message reflects how much people are focused on tasks versus having fun and socializing" (15). In Leonard's longing to be normal, fun is a pivotal aspect of that. While far from ordinary is what Sheldon and Beverly strive for, fun is not the importance of their life and this is something they can bond on. Number five on the list is formality/informality, which refers to the formal nature of the conversations. When conversations are more formal we are more distance. Looking at the next video we can see that Beverly maintains a very formal demeanor throughout her visit. Thus, when this demeanor changes Leonard and Sheldon are both shocked. The sixth element is degree of social composure. Both Sheldon and Beverly maintain great social composure when speaking, even if the rest of the world has know idea what they are talking about. This is why they get along, because they both assure the other of their confidence in what they are saying. Leonard on the other hand is attempting to please his mother and therefor lacks in confidence and social composure due to fear of rejection. |
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Finally, is emotional arousal and activation. This refers to how emotionally stimulating a conversation is. With a lack of stimulation people are less likely to disclose. But, Beverly and Sheldon both do not play on strong emotions, therefore they have similar levels of stimulation and get along. Leonard does feed off these emotions and they are not reciprocated by his mother.
In the end, Leonard and his mother come to a middle ground of understanding of their relationship. They can have one, but in order to develop a more than surface level relationship the way they communicate will need to change.
In the end, Leonard and his mother come to a middle ground of understanding of their relationship. They can have one, but in order to develop a more than surface level relationship the way they communicate will need to change.
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