Shut the Door and Unplug the Phone!:
Gender Differences in Relationships
In the show "Friends," we see just that, a group of friends stumbling through life together. Inevitably, these relationships turn in romances that fall apart, come back together, breakup, and are again attempted to be repaired. As the audience, we see this group of six differ in their lifestyles and relationships based on their gender.
Ross and Rachel's first kiss is not only something that will affect their relationship as friends, but will affect the dynamics of their friend group. This is a perfect example of how gender affects our relationships.
We see this kiss, but we also see them taking this information back to their friends. Monica, Pheobe, and Rachel have a very different interaction than the guys. This interaction between the women is an example of how women's friendships are centered in conversations. With these conversations women disclose, "interpersonal intimacy through dialogue" (3). These conversations are how women disclose themselves to their friends, they are more detailed in their descriptions and this is a pivotal moment in friendships among women. |
These different aspects of disclosure and its importance in women's friendships are discussed by F.J. Johnson in Friendships Among Women: Closeness in Dialogue. "Often women and men engage in the same activities, men's talk will focus on the activity itself, while women's dialogue is much more broad and ranging" (4).
In both of these interactions they are taking part in another activity, having a drink with your friends, but in the women's interaction that clearly becomes a subpar aspect of the activity once it is know that there is some new juicy news.
Looking at the men, it is clear that the are happy for this news in Ross' life, but they do not need the details. W. Pallock discusses this "boy code" that men are expected to adhere to. "When boys relate in ways that are traditionally 'feminine' - when they're tender and affectionate, when they are emotionally expressive, when they talk sensitively about difficult friendships - society does not often support them because it sees them as violating the Boy Code of masculine toughness and independence" (5). It is not that they do not care about what has happened in Ross' life, its that there is a thin line between caring and violating that boy code.
There is also a difference in their reactions to this news due to a difference in emotional expression between men and women. Though both men and women experience emotion in the same way, they express it differently. The article Gender Differences in Motives for Regulating Emotions refers to this difference. "Women disclose their feelings to a greater extent" (6). By crying, sharing, and disclosing more, women are able to pin point what they are feeling.
In contrast, men are more willing to show pride and power, but are more concerned what others will think when they do show this emotion. This is a proud moment for Ross and that is why he is going to express this to his friends. Rather than be a proud moment for Rachel, it is more about sharing this intimate story with her friends to pin point her emotions and develop a stronger friendship.
In both of these interactions they are taking part in another activity, having a drink with your friends, but in the women's interaction that clearly becomes a subpar aspect of the activity once it is know that there is some new juicy news.
Looking at the men, it is clear that the are happy for this news in Ross' life, but they do not need the details. W. Pallock discusses this "boy code" that men are expected to adhere to. "When boys relate in ways that are traditionally 'feminine' - when they're tender and affectionate, when they are emotionally expressive, when they talk sensitively about difficult friendships - society does not often support them because it sees them as violating the Boy Code of masculine toughness and independence" (5). It is not that they do not care about what has happened in Ross' life, its that there is a thin line between caring and violating that boy code.
There is also a difference in their reactions to this news due to a difference in emotional expression between men and women. Though both men and women experience emotion in the same way, they express it differently. The article Gender Differences in Motives for Regulating Emotions refers to this difference. "Women disclose their feelings to a greater extent" (6). By crying, sharing, and disclosing more, women are able to pin point what they are feeling.
In contrast, men are more willing to show pride and power, but are more concerned what others will think when they do show this emotion. This is a proud moment for Ross and that is why he is going to express this to his friends. Rather than be a proud moment for Rachel, it is more about sharing this intimate story with her friends to pin point her emotions and develop a stronger friendship.
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